So, yesterday I had an intense study session, which lasted on & off all day. In the late evening, I stopped to take a break & watch an episode of Friends(yes, I know. I still watch friends), I actually ended up falling asleep with gum in my mouth. In the middle of the night, in my deep slumber... I vaguely remember waking up to take the gum out of my mouth with the intention of getting out of bed to throw it out & brush my teeth.
Well, that didn’t happen...hours later, I was woken by this sudden need to scratch my face. However, my hand felt heavy...I couldn’t move my hand and it felt sticky. Yes- ladies & gentlemen... my hand was stuck to my skin- my belly to be exact. It was stuck to my belly! Still, groggy from my deep slumber... I mustered the strength to take some of it off. I remember my right hand being sticky. I, with out shame, pulled my shirt down, pressed it against my sticky tummy (to prevent any gum from transferring to my white bed sheets), rubbed whatever gum I could get off of my nails, stuck the warm sticky piece of gum onto the top of a yeti tumbler next to my bed, too and continued to sleep.
When I woke up this morning, I almost forgot about the gum until I attempted to adjust my shirt after waking up and felt it sticking to my belly. 🤷🏻♀️ I laughed about it & begrudgingly shared with Raul the late night/early morning shenanigans which transpired as he slept beside me.
Oh, but it doesn’t stop there... I made it a point to get more studying done today. I’m on a deadline after all. Instead of working in the office, I decided to take my laptop downstairs to wait for the mailman, I had some packages to mail out today. As I’m taking one of my breaks I see him pull up- I happened to be taking a timed assessment at the time & I was frantic. By the skin of my teeth I finished the last question, jumped off the couch to grab the boxes, (with out putting any shoes on) I opened the door, and walked the boxes out to him.
As he is loading the boxes into his truck I turned to walk back inside the house- when.... low & behold... I’ve locked myself out of the house! No phone, no shoes- but socks on, & it’s easily 32 degrees outside. YAY. He kindly lets me use his phone to call Raul. Like any other person with a phone, he seldomly ever answers his phone...especially if it’s from a number he doesn’t know- nor does he ever check voicemail. The second call I decided leave a voicemail:
“Hey babe, it’s me...so, I locked myself out of the house... *insert nervous laughter* ..because you know.. I’m super smart...anyway, Bob (our mailman) was kind enough to let me use his phone.”
I give Bob his phone back & he proceeds to try & help me break into my house. All the while Molly is looking at me through the window like she’s pissed I went outside with out her. She’s so self involved, I’m sure she was assuming that I was just having all of this fun with the nerve to rub her face into it by standing outside of the window. *eye rolls*
I tell Bob to go ahead and take off, I know he’s busy- HELLO, its the holidays... he took off, but before leaving Raul calls & he has been informed of my situation. However, he is at work and He only has 30 minutes before he’s done for the day so I tell him to just hurry home as soon as he is done. As Bob is leaving, he goes to the vacant house next to ours and turns the door knob to find that it was unlocked-
“Not for nothin’ if it gets too cold just hang out in this house until your husband comes home. It’s too cold out here” he says.
I’ve watched too many scary movies in my lifetime to know better.
“Thanks, Bob!” *I wave bye to him whilst thinking to myself NOPE NOPE HAIIIIIL NOPE*
Our house here in Connecticut does not have central air conditioning. We have wall a/c units, we are leasing right now. So, since it is winter management prefers to not actually install the a/c units until summer. So, as you may have guess.. yes, we pretty much have a hole in the wall with a cover screwed over it for (yes, yes, YES) easy access to any type of intruder. & yes, I am constantly rattled about the thought of someone unscrewing the bolts and climbing into the house as we sleep to gruesomely murder us in our bed.
Anyway, I remember that the seal in the kitchen looked flimsy, so I get into the backyard and take the outside cover off with ease (mental note- fix that ASAP)... however, by this time the temperature is dropping & I am starting to become frantic. Although it is daylight outside, our backyard is surrounded by these eerily tall trees & every time I’m back there I swear I hear someone or something walking and crunching the dead leaves with each step. I reach into the a/c unit compartment and feel that the inside casing is loose. OMG, if I can take it off I can easily crawl through there..... well, the problem? It’s actually secured well and will only open a inch less than a foot. Ummmm, the depth of my body will not allow that. Ok, whatever.. at this point I probably have about 15 minutes left... I’m ok.
My feet are cold.
I can hear foot steps.
I fake a few loud coughs...you know, my lame attempt to alarm the thing or person that there is someone outside & if they were planning on sneaking up on me then I’ve got the one up because I’m outside & I’m aware. Whatever, I was cold & that was the first thing I could come up with. At this moment I’m also holding Molly’s poop scooper(it basically looks like a long plastic fork) & it was not a worthy tool to use to bludgeon an assailant.
Raul finally makes it home..I can see the window to the front of the house from where I am standing in the backyard. I see him get out of the truck confused & wondering where I am. I walk to the front yard, like a dog with my tail between my legs. He looks at me with pity... then laughs & unlocks the door. As I am walking into the house I trip over the step into the house...quirky coincidence? Clumsiness? I’m blaming it on Monday....By this time, after laughing/wanting to cry because I was only wearing socks & that really hurt/wanting to scream... I have wiped my hands clean of this day. My studying time was already stolen from me. So, naturally, I decide to go ahead and get started with dinner. While I’m cooking I walk over to the living room to hand something to Raul. As I’m walking over, I trip...yet again... over Raul’s canteen...on the floor.. We laugh it off & joke that today has got to be the Monday-iest Monday, ever.
I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner, I walk away from the mixer to check dinner on the stove when the bowl that the mixer is mixing unlocks from it’s base. Yup, it knocks over my favorite glass measuring cup (that my mom gave me when I moved out of my parents’ home.) Glass is EVERYWHERE... icing..on...the... CAKE.
Oh yeah, to add insult to injury...while making dinner I was missing an ingredient that would have made the recipe, it was pretty much a main ingredient. FAIL.
There has always been this long running joke- if I didn’t have bad luck I wouldn’t have luck at all. In my lifetime. I feel like I have truly mastered the art of learning to take a step back & just laugh at some of the misfortune that I encounter. *insert witty cliches here*
“Look at it this way, you haven’t had a “Monday” in a while. It’s like all of those “Mondays” just caught up to you and hit you all in one day. You should be good for the next couple of months.” Raul says.
I’m crossing my fingers.
Anyway... Hey, Monday... Sup?
PS- after publishing this I went upstairs to grab the yeti that had the piece of gum on it. (Yes, it has taken me that long to throw it away. I’ve been...busy.)
Raul: you’re JUST now throwing that away?
Me: hello, I’ve had a crazy day! It wasn’t on my priority list.
Raul: I feel like if I had left that there you would have said something sarcastic to me.
*we both laugh*
Me: *as I am taking a sip of water I come up with a sarcastic come back* If it were you you would have-
*my sarcasm was interrupted by the water that I was sipping going down the wrong way thus CHOKING ME... ending with me spitting a mouth full of water....all over the bedroom carpet.*