As Raul & I have been going through the motions of being away from one another- I find myself so completely consumed by thoughts of him. It was driving me crazy and we started to argue way too many times. More times than our entire relationship combined before the military. I blame myself for not preparing myself for this moment. Before he joined the military we were so focused on making sure he got the job that he wanted. I have never felt insecure about myself or our relationship- but the distance is hard..& I am not even speaking on the distance in miles- the distance that I’ve felt. Being with someone that is in the military is all new to me. I can’t imagine the mental strain he has gone through and I can’t wven tell you if I would be the same myself. The military has tested our bond, & I have faith that it will make us stronger. We are trying to find our niche being apart. I didn’t think it would be this hard for me as I have always been independent, not just physically but mentally. Finding myself with out my husband is hard but it jolted something in me. To continue to strive to be better. To find my happiness when he is not around. Up until before he left for the military the happiness I felt was always with him, it almost feels like starting over.
I was doing well for a short period of time by making sure I set small goals for myself to keep my mind occupied. I fell off the wagon and let my thoughts consume me. Everyone keeps telling me I’m strong but I feel like a phony sometimes. I feel weak... my goal is to become stronger for us and our family. My goal is to find a life outside of my marriage that will fulfill me. I feel like this is important for not only my marriage, but also for my mental health. I have faith that it will get better. It will only get better if I make the moves to make it a reality. I just want to thank my family and friends for their continued support. I want to thank my husband for his hard work & unconditional love. I love you, Raul. I’ll always be here- holding it down.